Be More Columbo

Back in November I wrote a post about learning and how this is an integral part of living the good life. At the time I had started learning Italian, reading books about writing and trying out new recipes. Now with my two major writing projects underway, these other projects have fallen by the wayside. An outing with children caused me to re-think my priorities with learning.

I was out with a friend and her children earlier in the week. She is home-schooling them and so each activity is turned into an adventure for learning. A walk to and from the park was filled with questions and imaginings; we discovered the place where the fox met the mouse (in the Gruffalo), we compared what streets are like in two different countries, searched for mushrooms, named wildflowers and helped a spy baby (a doll) make contact with her spy boss. The experience made me think how natural my friend is at drawing out the curiosity and creativity of her children.

As adults we question far less. Some would say this is the result of parents and teachers telling us to stop asking so many questions. Richard Saul Wurman (the original creator of TED conference) says ‘In school we’re rewarded for having the answer, not for asking a good question.’ There might be other reasons that people stop questioning; laziness, fear of looking weak and ignorant and the desire to succeed overwhelming our desire to finish well. As I write, I am aware that I have succumbed to all three.

Philosophers are those who do not tire of asking questions; ‘Philosophy may be defined as the art of asking the right question…’ Heschel. It was Socrates, the father of Western Philosophy, who believed that questions were both the beginning and the end of all learning. He taught others, his most famous pupil being Plato, through the art of questioning. These were not just any questions but those that would pursue thought in many directions and for many purposes. This has become known as Socratic questioning and has been adopted in education and psychology as a tool for gaining insight into the world and ourselves. 

When we stop asking questions one of the consequences is that we fill the gaps of knowledge with assumptions. We make assumptions about the world, but worse than that, we make assumptions about people. Strangers become little more than stereotypes and we diminish our nearest and dearest by not using our words to unravel more of who they are. Instead we begin to create them in our own image.

If successful businesses are those that rely on questioning innovators then perhaps good lives are those spent being questioning listeners? Those who dare to ask the difficult questions because they recognise this is the path to greater truth and awareness. I don’t like asking questions of others, I fear putting them on the spot. I think that if you want to tell me, you will. Maybe that’s true, but maybe I miss out on discovering more of who you are because I have made a choice for you. I have decided that there are parts of your life that you want to remain hidden rather than simply asking you the question. It is a challenge to consider whether I’m prepared to risk having my curiosity rejected or pursue a deeper truth about you.

My favourite TV detective Columbo was forever asking questions, from the seemingly irrelevant to the downright indelicate. Perhaps it is time we also resolved to ask just ‘one more thing.’