Telly Temptations

The days are short, the weather is grey, the perfect antidote to all this misery is to curl up on the sofa and turn the box on.

The 21^st November was World Television Day. Back in the nineties the UN declared World Television Day – advocating the universal nature of the small screen with its ability to unite.

I suppose Dynasties, or perhaps any David Attenbrough show, could be held up as an example. People from different backgrounds and of varying ages have been transfixed by the hour long animal narrative. Even cats succumbed to watching their cousins on the silver screen.

Whilst televisual streaming may be in decline amongst millennials, we all seem very attached to one screen or another and it seems the darker, colder days only make us more so.

A few weeks ago, having noticed the number of books on my bedside table increasing, I decided to evaluate my TV diet. Having the ability to record and save programmes so easily means I also had a stack of programmes waiting for me to click and watch.

Following a writing warning – reading books increases creativity, whilst watching TV stifles it – I decided to delete a number of recordings and evaluate the number of series I am following. This has resulted in giving up a Soap I have followed on and off for years!

Having had a busy week of various evening activities the draw of the TV has not had it’s usual pull. However, I am aware of it seductive lights and the escapism it offers.

The Autumn has opened up many doors for us with new sports, creative activities and people to meet. I am determined not to lose these new sparkly things in the face of a rainy, dark Winter.

Instead I am burning candles for cosy lights, stacking books downstairs, rather than by the bed, dusting off my colouring pens and books and seeing Christmas cards as opportunities to send more than a greeting and get back to some old-fashioned letter writing.

If you’re wanting some reading recommendations:

I am about to join a book club – the book for December is Murder in the Snow. A Cotswold Christmas Mystery by Gladys Mitchell, I am already reading a book of short stories by Haruki Murakami, Men without Women. I have also started re-reading The Chronicles of Narnia, by C.S. Lewis. This has brought back a childhood nostalgia that seems fitting for the season. It could be the perfect bedtime reading with younger ones too.

Good Morning?

How do you start your day?

A friend has been posting pictures from her morning routine. A number of changes have been going on for her and it has challenged me to consider how much the start of my day affects the rest of it.

I am not a morning person. As a result of teaching I have been forced to become more of an early bird. When I finished teaching I was worried that I would waste mornings as I had nothing definite to get up for. So it was with mixed feelings that I started an early morning job at the local newsagents. This means I am up by 5:20 and home by 7:30. This seemed the perfect solution to getting up and then having the day ahead of me ready for writing. Sadly it has not been that simple. I return home and make a hot drink (usually tea) and then treat myself to an episode of my favourite soap. Rather than preparing me for the day, this weakens my resolve and dampens my creativity so then I have a psychological battle to win before I even put pen to paper. I often end up procrastinating with housework, reading or checking e-mails!

There seem to be different schools of thought when it comes to creating positive morning rituals, but all agree that early is good and that times of work should be broken up with times of activity and times of rest. Some want the day to begin with vigorous exercise or cold showers (yuck!) Others suggest starting with meditation and goal setting and then getting straight into work. All agree that social media should be low on the list of priorities. It all makes a lot of sense; starting the day with activities that should fuel productivity and creativity and giving the best time to the things I say are my priorities. It all feels very intentional and a little formulaic (not my favourite ways of doing things) but I can see that this way could produce the results I’ve been searching for.

 

I did look for some inspiration from great thinkers and writers. Immanuel Kant started his day with a cup or two of weak tea and a pipe. He would then meditate. Barak Obama starts his day with a workout and then breakfast with his family. Darwin would start his day with a walk. Some crazies started their day at 4am, beginning with work and leaving exercise till later in the day. The common feature seems to be that there is a plan and purpose to their mornings. It doesn’t just happen and it certainly wasn’t hitting the snooze button to hurtle out of bed and into the day.

This has caused me to re-evaluate my mornings. I can’t do much about the time of my part-time paid job but I am considering how best to use my time once I arrive home and how best to create an environment that will promote creativity rather than procrastination. I began by considering what I would like to achieve before lunch and the time I would need to do this. It meant being honest about the procrastination and I expect there may be adjustments to make along the way. I (weirdly) feel quite excited to try it and feel it will give me greater confidence in saying ‘no’ to other activities.

Sometimes our circumstances dictate more of the morning routine, especially if there are little ones involved. Even in more restrictive circumstances, there are choices we can make that could make the difference between a good morning and a stressful one.

How do your mornings begin? 

What changes could you make to give you a better start to the day? I’d love to know any changes you have already made and what affect that has had.

Patience is a virtue!

I have been without my car for the last ten days. A problem I thought would be solved by my friendly RAC man proved too complicated for roadside assistance. It has perplexed the mechanics at my garage too. So I was left changing plans stranded at home during the days.

It was not so much the inconvenience of not having a car that rankled but the not knowing when or even if I would have the car again. The not knowing and possible outcomes clouded my thinking. The frustration at having to say ‘No’ to people and feeling out of control of that choice led me to realise how losing control in this area of my life was affecting my well-being. I’m sure there were other factors at work too, there always are – it’s never just one thing that goes wrong.

The day my car was returned was a total surprise. There was no proceeding phone call, just a ring on the doorbell and there was my car back on the driveway. There was a great sense of relief (both my husband and I had thought we might have to find a new car) and a sense of childlike excitement. I was surprised at how fun it was to get back behind the wheel. The pleasure was heightened by putting the roof down and turning the music up! Philosophers would argue that this is one of the benefits of patience; having delayed gratification the enjoyment of the end is that much sweeter. I don’t know that I practised patience particularly well. I didn’t have too much choice in the matter, but the waiting definitely renewed my appreciation for driving in general and my car in particular.

In the middle of the not knowing and the disappointment I began to think about what I had been learning during these months of stillness and waiting. I had been trying to listen less to the negative thoughts that would bring a halt to everything and trying to listen more to the positive. I had reached a self-imposed deadline in my writing, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t more to be done. Being at home meant jobs that otherwise would have been delayed, got done.

This change in pace brought a different kind of thinking and for the first time in a while I had a completely new idea, not related to either of the two books I am currently writing, it  was exciting and refreshing to dream about something new for a while. It had become all to easy to forget some of my early thoughts about giving time for creativity when creating narrative and characters have become daily habits.

Being ‘on pause’ has been a recurring theme of this year. It goes against my natural instincts and common sense. It is not a passive inactivity but more a restful quietness that allows for envisioning and inspired ideas to come to the fore.

This week has taught me that there is always room for more. The creative well is deep. Sometimes obstacles and tedious waiting allows for that space and time for new ideas to grow.

Be More Columbo

Back in November I wrote a post about learning and how this is an integral part of living the good life. At the time I had started learning Italian, reading books about writing and trying out new recipes. Now with my two major writing projects underway, these other projects have fallen by the wayside. An outing with children caused me to re-think my priorities with learning.

I was out with a friend and her children earlier in the week. She is home-schooling them and so each activity is turned into an adventure for learning. A walk to and from the park was filled with questions and imaginings; we discovered the place where the fox met the mouse (in the Gruffalo), we compared what streets are like in two different countries, searched for mushrooms, named wildflowers and helped a spy baby (a doll) make contact with her spy boss. The experience made me think how natural my friend is at drawing out the curiosity and creativity of her children.

As adults we question far less. Some would say this is the result of parents and teachers telling us to stop asking so many questions. Richard Saul Wurman (the original creator of TED conference) says ‘In school we’re rewarded for having the answer, not for asking a good question.’ There might be other reasons that people stop questioning; laziness, fear of looking weak and ignorant and the desire to succeed overwhelming our desire to finish well. As I write, I am aware that I have succumbed to all three.

Philosophers are those who do not tire of asking questions; ‘Philosophy may be defined as the art of asking the right question…’ Heschel. It was Socrates, the father of Western Philosophy, who believed that questions were both the beginning and the end of all learning. He taught others, his most famous pupil being Plato, through the art of questioning. These were not just any questions but those that would pursue thought in many directions and for many purposes. This has become known as Socratic questioning and has been adopted in education and psychology as a tool for gaining insight into the world and ourselves. 

When we stop asking questions one of the consequences is that we fill the gaps of knowledge with assumptions. We make assumptions about the world, but worse than that, we make assumptions about people. Strangers become little more than stereotypes and we diminish our nearest and dearest by not using our words to unravel more of who they are. Instead we begin to create them in our own image.

If successful businesses are those that rely on questioning innovators then perhaps good lives are those spent being questioning listeners? Those who dare to ask the difficult questions because they recognise this is the path to greater truth and awareness. I don’t like asking questions of others, I fear putting them on the spot. I think that if you want to tell me, you will. Maybe that’s true, but maybe I miss out on discovering more of who you are because I have made a choice for you. I have decided that there are parts of your life that you want to remain hidden rather than simply asking you the question. It is a challenge to consider whether I’m prepared to risk having my curiosity rejected or pursue a deeper truth about you.

My favourite TV detective Columbo was forever asking questions, from the seemingly irrelevant to the downright indelicate. Perhaps it is time we also resolved to ask just ‘one more thing.’

Be More Teen

‘Good habits formed at youth make all the difference.’ Aristotle

Teenagers get a bad press: selfish, loud, moody, aggressive, messy, irresponsible - the list could go on. The reality is more complex than this. Teenagers often express total contradictions: intense and playful, sensitive and thoughtless, dreamers and doers. Interestingly, many of these attributes are essential for creativity.

Over the last few weeks, for various reasons, I have been thinking back to my school days and teenage years. This has not always been a pleasant exercise – school was not my favourite place to be. I can remember making myself sick in order to stay at home. I experienced bullying at both primary and secondary school. The walk down memory lane was not a journey for re-living these experiences. I was looking for my best moments, the times when I felt truly alive.

‘Adolescence is a new birth, for the higher and more completely human traits are now born.’ 

G. Stanley Hall.

 As adults, if we think about reliving our teenager years it is associated with bad taste. Whether it’s clothes or hairstyles, buying the fast car we dreamed of owning or attending an event where some tribute band are playing the tunes you rocked out to, there is the memory of freedom perhaps even rebellion.

I’ve been searching for the lost and forgotten dreams. The activities that made me feel free. These teenager years are often referred to as our formative ones because they are so crucial to creating the person we are today. When I look back there are definitely passions or capabilities that I have forgotten. These have been overlooked or discarded because the responsibilities of adulthood have taken over.

A simple example that I rediscovered recently was the joy of being on a swing. I was in someone else’s garden and there at the bottom was a huge tree, from it dangled a swing. The sun was out and the garden was bathed in spring-time glory but more than the comfy looking bench, the walk through a woodland area or the beauty of the flowers themselves, it was the swing that called out to me. Tentatively, I asked permission to sit and swing. (I had thought perhaps it was just for children). I was greeted with surprise and then a smile ‘Of course you can use the swing!’ So I indulged, gently at first and then with greater abandon. My eyes took in the garden from an entirely new view-point and then I closed them, enjoying the tingle of not knowing exactly where I was going.

I have taken some time to think back, to make a list and consider what was and what has been lost. Some of what I have rediscovered has affirmed my current choices. Others have been surprises and encouragements to try forgotten activities and reclaim passions that have been dormant.

As I look back, time and friendships appear to be different. Now, I make appointments to meet up with friends and usually they involve some kind of plan; dinner, drinks, cinema etc. Then, everything seemed more fluid (this may be poor remembering on my part) but there were definitely times of just ‘hanging out’ no plans, no agenda except to spend time with my friend. Sometimes the best times were those unplanned ones.

Time is a gift. It is up to us to decide what we will do with it. This is easier said than done and even with all my ‘flexible’ time, I am still learning about time management. Prioritising the important is my new habit. I now block out periods of time in advance so that they can be devoted to something I do not feel I have enough time for. I physically do it in my diary and I am finding it works. My husband and I have done the same for time together too. Nothing is to infringe on that time without permission from the other. There is no agenda for these times together and I think that is part of what makes them really special.

‘It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.’ E. E. Cummings

What passion or skill has been dormant since your teenage years?

How could ‘hanging out’ with no agenda benefit your relationships?

What activity would you like to try to recapture that feeling of youthful freedom?

P.S. The novel is progressing (slowly) and I will shortly be introducing you to my new blog project, so watch this space.....

The Power of One

I was a little disturbed to read on the front page of the papers this week ‘May says US and UK can lead the world again.’ Whilst I’m not entirely sure of her motives behind saying this, it smacks of bravado and making the best of a bad situation. I’m not prepared to make any further criticism; she is in a tough position and I would never want to swap places. With our political and economic situation looking so uncertain it is easy to focus on the bleakness of our nation and despair.

I have never studied Aristotle as a politician, only as an ethicist and empiricist, but I can see he took a holistic view of all that he observed and considered. For him, politics was not about status or power but about achieving eudaimonia. This was the purpose of politics as far as he was concerned, it is ‘the business of the lawgiver to create the good society.’ (The Politics)

My feelings of bleakness and despair initially took a further dive following a number of articles about the problem of homelessness in the UK.

Then I came across this:

Keeping people on the streets warm

I love it. Someone thought creatively, had an idea and acted on it. Then because of the thoughts and actions of one person, others joined in. If I look at the nation, at things globally, I feel helpless. I question my role, as whatever I can do seems invisible and insignificant. Sometimes the big picture clouds a thousand smaller images that could bring change. I was inspired by another of Aristotle’s thoughts: ‘A state is partnership of families and clans living well and its object is the full and independent life.’ (The Politics) I wonder what it would look like if we were given the chance to partner with our government, with one another to create a good society. Regardless of the actions of the government we still have the choice to partner with one another.

The impersonal hand of government can never replace the helping hand of a neighbour. 

(Hubert Humphrey)

Since moving four years ago, it has been our desire to involve ourselves in the local community. With both of us having full-time jobs elsewhere, this was practically very difficult. We tried a ‘house warming’ with neighbours in our street; very few came but those that did appreciated the effort. Other ideas have also been unsuccessful, part of the reason maybe that many people stay here their whole lives and often their children do too. There is a village mentality, which means that time will really make a difference.

Earlier this month I started a new project. Having written about the importance of time for oneself and the benefits of ‘being’ rather than ‘doing’, I decided to facilitate time and activities that would enable people in our locality the opportunity to do so. I’ve set up a weekly time for people to enjoy free coffee & cake, take part in an art activity and enjoy some quiet time through sensory meditation. At our last gathering we nearly hit double figures, but numbers are not really important. It was so special to hear people saying that they had connected with people they would never normally have time to chat with. I loved seeing people rediscover that child-like joy through creating art with sweets, shaving foam, water and food colouring!

Each of us has a gift, a skill; if these remain unused, our communities are a little darker and colder. It is hard sometimes admitting we have need of one another, but it is a reciprocal relationship; as we give, so we receive.

We can begin by doing small things at the local level, like planting community gardens or looking out for our neighbours. That is how change takes place in living systems, not from above but from within, from many local actions occurring simultaneously.

(Grace Lee Boggs)

 You and I may just be drops in a vast ocean, but we can cause a ripple effect and who knows where it can end?

Trying is not Failing

Making New Year’s resolutions appears to have gone out of fashion – people tried it and it was too hard. However, change (and for the better) seems to be on everyone’s agenda. So many were looking forward to saying ‘goodbye’ to 2016 and are looking for positive ways to tackle 2017. There has been a great emphasis on authenticity and transparency. The recent trend of no makeup selfies seems to be a visual demonstration of this desire for authenticity. At the beginning of the year Susanna Reid, followed this trend and posted comparison selfies on Instagram at the beginning of the year. In one she is ‘TV ready’ with full makeup and in the other she is ‘Susanna in real life’ – no makeup. She then wished people a ‘Happy Being You Year’.

What does the real you look like? I don’t really mean without physical makeup. The truth is that we all put on a non-physical kind of make-up to portray who we wish to be, or who we perceive others think we should be. This may affect how we look, but it has an even greater internal impact. For me it is about which voices I choose to listen to. There are so many voices vying for my attention. If I listen to the voices of the past I am paralysed in the present and if I focus on the future it is hard to move forwards.

There is a constant internal battle going on which questions my ability to make progress. This didn’t start when I started writing; it’s been going on for years and in different areas of my life. Everyday, and definitely more than once, I have to talk to myself to keep going in a positive direction. Sometimes it is exhausting.

About six months ago I started creating an inspiration wall in the room I now write in. On the wall I put up pictures, quotations, anything that would encourage me to keep going rather than give up. My New Year’s resolution started in September and I am not giving up. I am going to continue to cultivate that positive voice.  

This Christmas was difficult. It felt like I ran into a number of ‘old voices’ some that I thought I could easily ‘shout’ over, but it turns out words still hurt. I feel mentally as though as I have had flu; drained and washed out. I am over the worst but it is a struggle to keep going, I am lacking the energy and inclination to do so.

What holds us back from keeping our resolutions? Probably a number of things:

• The reward to complete it is not as great as the current situation
• Lack of self-belief
• The wrong voice talking more loudly or more frequently
• The wrong voice was what started this – it is the wrong goal
• The trigger to get started is missing

And when it goes wrong, we assume THIS IS FAILURE. It is not. We can be our own worst critics. One of the things I have started to tell myself is, ‘trying is not failing’. New Years are annual – obviously, but resolutions don’t have to be. Everyday begins anew, a fresh start, a chance to try again

One of my favourite quotations on my inspiration wall is: ‘Put your big girl panties on, cowboy up and get the job done. No one else will do it for you.’ I’m not quite sure why, but when I read it I smile, it cuts through the crap going round and round in my head and I get to start again.

What are your New Year resolutions?

What ways have you found to silence the voices?

What encourages or inspires you to keep going?