Contentment vs Happiness

This week I read an article about whether spending money makes people happy. The article looked at the lives of six women; each on a different salary and with different spending habits. One woman, a millionaire author, does not own a house or a car and says that she can fit all of her belongings in a large plastic box. As I read it, I was sceptical, but Amanda Prowse says this is how she has discovered what has real value and what makes her happy.

Intrigued, I did a little research and came across another writer who has purged her house to the extent that she can fit all of her day-to-day items in a cardboard box. For her, this has been a journey of self-discovery that has affected her relationships, eating & spending habits and her thought life. The idea has some appeal to me, although it would require much more extreme action than my wardrobe clear-out in early December. Realistically, I know there is more than a box of books I would struggle to chuck out and there is a bit of a squirrel inside me that says ‘that might be useful one day.’

These women, having sifted through their belongings seem to have come to a quiet contentment about ‘stuff’ which I find both admirable and enviable. There are many voices competing for our attention and many of them are telling us that we do not have enough or we do not have the right thing and if we could just acquire this ‘thing’ we would be happy. Even though I know this is a total swizz and none of these voices actually care about my happiness or wellbeing there is a part of me that believes them and I get sucked in. I live in a state of discontentment.

While there are a few quiet voices calling us to mindfulness and to slow down, the general message is ‘earn more money, buy more experiences, acquire the new stuff – get busy.’ We do place a high value on busyness and the ultimate consequence of this is that people get shut out. I know that previously in my own friendships, people have felt I was unavailable due to my busyness. That makes me sad; I don’t want to be that busy person.

I have been thinking about happiness and contentment and the difference between the two. Some definitions imply they are more or less the same thing. I have always thought there is a transitory quality to happiness, whereas contentment feels more solid and lasting; more of a life-style than a feeling. One definition that I came across explained contentment as a state of satisfaction that is not disturbed by the desire of anything more or anything different. This seems to be at odds with growth and development of oneself but I think if applied to the general state of one’s life this could be truly liberating. That sense of truly enjoying the present for what it brings. 

There is so much I am complacent about because my thoughts are either anchored in the past or second-guessing the future. I have heard people recommend ‘gratitude journals’ to aid thinking in the present and to develop contentment. Whilst I have not created a journal for this purpose, I have found it useful, on those days that feel grey, regardless of the weather, to spend five minutes writing a list of all the things I am thankful for. It can take time getting started but then it can be difficult to stop! As I look back over some of the lists I am struck by how much I take for granted and how little things like a friendly text, the smell of hyacinths, a good cup of tea really do make a difference but are so easy to overlook.

Which is better, happiness or contentment?

What are you grateful for today?

What other activities lead you towards contentment?

I am now starting a six week break from blogging. This is partly due to finding momentum for my novel and I want to focus on that but also because I have been thinking about a different direction for the blog and want some time to consider this.

Shall I compare thee...

...to me?!

I came across a newspaper article recently, in which Daisy Lowe was being unfavourably compared to Emma Forbes. Both had been papped in their swim suits whilst on holiday and were being critiqued for their choice of swim-wear. I was a little incredulous that this sort of article still made the news, but was reminded in the last few days that there is still appetite for this kind of critiquing with the current flurry of award ceremonies. This is peak time for the appraisal of celebrity fashion and the shaming of those who commit fashion faux pas.

Despite collaboration being the buzzword in business and education we are still fuelled by competition. I get the argument: competition spurs on excellence and innovation. Many would also argue that competition is part of our Darwinian heritage, but it strikes me that with the advancement of technology, the need for competition in order than I might live or reproduce are no longer required. Whilst I can see there will always be competition in the world of work and sport, my concern is that I apply the same competitive nature to my life. This leads to a false and unhealthy comparison with others.

Whilst encouraging a friend to step out into a new project, I feel fearful I am getting left behind. I want to be the one who rejoices at their victories and weeps at their losses but all too often another’s victory leads to my own self-doubt and a mental side-ways glance to see how I am measuring up.

Aristotle’s proposal for the good life is through the development and application of virtues. He believed the flourishing of the individual would inevitably lead to the flourishing of society. Sounds good, but working out the reality of this is hard and even modern philosophers disagree with how this can be achieved. One of his ideas, which I love, is the virtue of friendship. To want the best for your friend without the motivation to benefit oneself is a high bar to set, but I believe one worth reaching for. Where is the place for competition in friendship? One might argue that there is no place, surely competition would lead to jealousy, upset and perhaps even relationship break-down. An American philosopher, Richard Kraut believes that there is a place for competition within friendship and virtue ethics. He calls this ‘moral competition’. This is the idea that there can be rivalry when being virtuous. However, this does not lead to the traditional ‘winners and losers’ in competition. Everyone is a winner as when an individual succeeds in acting virtuously, not only does that person benefit but also the people around them. If the act is truly virtuous then it should benefit all involved.

I’m not sure I’m totally convinced – it seems so easy to fall prey to pride or smugness in this kind of competition. It is all rather dependent on my definition of virtuous which is something hotly debated amongst modern philosophers.

Psychologists explain that female competitiveness is a result of a Darwinian compulsion to be impregnated by the best man. This seems an outdated, uncomfortable notion, yet the comparisons continue.

When our value is left in the hands of another, what are we left with but comparison and competition? When this competitive spirit takes hold of us we end up living in a small, limited world. The truth is the world is bigger than we imagine and we are greater than we can conceive. In a world without competition, without the threat of losing, who could you be?

What are the benefits of competition?

To what extent do you think collaboration a good alternative to competition?

What tips do you have for combating the competitive spirit that compels us to make comparisons?