A Good Four Letter Word

Before moving house, I had reached a stage in writing and public speaking that meant there were lots of potential avenues to explore, but I was finding it hard to know where to focus my time and attention. A common piece of advice to writers and entrepreneurs is to find a coach or mentor. Initially I rejected the idea. The cost and not knowing how to find the right person put me off.

I didn’t ask for help.

I recently found myself discussing the new church we’ve been attending with a couple who have been part of it for the last year. I had some questions about how things are done and found myself saying ‘I suppose it’s okay to ask, we’re still new’ the response was one of surprise ‘Of course it’s okay to ask, it’s always good to ask questions.’

I know this, I’ve written about the importance of staying curious and questioning people and life in general. But this comment of mine led me to acknowledge that I have a reticence to ask questions that imply I need help or that I don’t fully understand. 

Asking for help can feel like failing. Feelings of pride, indebtedness and fear prevent us from removing the obstacles progress. As children we are encouraged to ask for help. At some point, maybe as we strive for independence, the willingness to ask disappears. There’s a quiet voice that whispers ‘surely you should know that’ and the underlying fear that people will find out that we’re not as knowledgeable, skilled or talented as they thought. 

In order to grow and make progress, these fears must be faced.

It’s one thing to read a book or an article and quite another to speak to a person. This is a difficult post to write, as I’m still stuck, discovering this is a problem and making baby steps towards progress.

I’m very happy to ask for directions, confirmation that I am on the right train or even for someone to reach the rice that is stuck at the back of the top shelf in the supermarket.

It’s dreams, unnecessary goals that satisfy a yearning. This is when I struggle to ask for help. Perhaps it is the fear of criticism or ridicule that my helper with think the dream is unreachable or ridiculous.

Practice makes perfect, apparently. At least Aristotle would argue that repetition creates habit. So I will practise asking for help (even when perhaps I don’t need it).

I will recognise that when others ask for help they may be making requests wrapped in their precious, fragile dreams and I may have the privilege of helping them actualise it.

Living in Wonder

For men were first led to study philosophy, as indeed they are today, by wonder.
(Aristotle, Metaphysics 982b, tr. A.E. Taylor)

For Aristotle, this kind of wonder was a feeling of being perplexed, a questioning that would lead to knowledge and wisdom. I like this kind of wonder, that causes questions and inquiry. It can lead to experiments, creativity and innovation. It can be the spark that generates great ideas, new ways of thinking and living.

More recently I have been taken with a different kind of wonder. The kind that makes you pause, sit up and say ‘Wow.’ The kind that is so often associated with children when they discover something new. Their eyes are transfixed; some kind of miracle has occurred and they delight in being part of this experience.

It has been one of those weeks that has found me grumbling about a variety of things. A friend of mine was out and about exploring new places in her local area. She said, ‘When you are looking for goodness you see it everywhere.’ When I read my friend’s thoughts it made me think, what am I looking for? It’s so much easier to grumble or complain, but what do I miss when I am focused on the negative?

Wonder is associated with childlikeness and perhaps seen as a bit naïve, but wonder can have a transformative effect. It allows us to be fully present – we are lost in the moment of awe and admiration. We allow ourselves to be fully there not worrying about the future or dwelling on the past.

Sitting in the shade in a friend’s garden, someone commented about the birds overhead. As we looked up, we saw birds of prey soaring above us. It was an opportunity to marvel at the gift of flight, freedom, the beauty of their wing spans and the majesty of their ascension. Our senses were captivated and our vision expanded. Wonder invites us to look beyond ourselves.

Most dictionary definitions include the word astonishment in their explanations. Whilst this is true, wonder can be broader than those sights that make us gasp. It can be noticing the detail of the everyday. Observing something new about an item that we have previously failed to see. It doesn’t have to be within nature, although that is an obvious place to look. I am enjoying particular lines in the novel I am reading. The images that are conjured up by just one line of well crafted words. I read them again. It brings enjoyment and inspiration.

The heat and sunshine call for us to slow down. It is the perfect opportunity to change perspective. To consider what we are looking for and how we are looking at what is before us. There is an invitation to look a little closer, a little deeper, for a little longer and embrace the now of wonder.

Realignment

Having spent a lot of time on our sofa this week, I ended up watching a number of films. One of which was The Emperor’s Club. This is set in a boys’ boarding school and focuses on the lessons between a particular class and their teacher of ancient history. The teacher seeks to inspire the boys through the actions and words of Greek and Roman leaders. One boy who is more interested in making the boys laugh rather than learning refuses to be swayed by the teacher’s attention and enthusiasm. When the teacher meets with the boy’s father, the father asks, what is the point of teaching these ancient accounts? The teacher responds by talking about virtues and wanting to mould the lives of his students. The father is unimpressed.

 I think the idea behind the teacher’s efforts could be summed up by Aristotle’s words: “Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.” Whether or not we are teachers, we all influence others by the way we live. This gives us great power and one might argue responsibility, to teach well.

Beliefs, words and actions that are aligned are powerful tools. To bring about real and lasting change all three must be in agreement. It is not to say that progress cannot be made without alignment. So often change begins as a thought or a word that is not truly believed and so behavioural changes rarely last. I was listening to a conversation between two comedians on a podcast. They were discussing being vegan. Whilst one could understand the other’s argument about why he should become vegan, he could not fully give himself to the change in lifestyle that this would require. The compassion he felt for the cows was not equal to the compassion he feels for himself in eating a cheese toastie. I am not vegan or judging him. It was just an interesting example, to see that the vegan’s arguments were accepted but this was not enough to affect behaviour.

Changing a lifestyle demands self-awareness and a kindness to oneself. Brutal honesty reveals the true outlook and kindness needs to be applied to help smooth the path of change. I have been through a process of looking backwards in order to see why current feelings and responses to situations occur. Some reflections have been painful, but it was also surprising to discover hidden beauty. It was these hidden, forgotten moments that allowed me to realign my beliefs. This is turn meant I was able to speak different words and act in new ways. The result was amazing and the impact beyond what I could have imagined. The situation involves others and is the reason I am not being more specific in my explanation.

A different, less successful example has been with my writing habits. A mentor recently recommended having five tasks to complete everyday. These should be achievable without specific word limits or timings. The overall goal is to complete five steps that move your writing (or other projects) forwards on a daily basis. I dutifully wrote my five tasks down and pinned them to my notice board. Three out of the five have been completed regularly and the fourth most days, but one task continues to elude me. Having spent a little time reviewing this process I have come to the conclusion that failure to complete the fifth task is because I do not fully believe I can do it. The fear of getting it wrong is still holding me back. Until I face the fear and move on in self belief progress will be slow. That is my challenge to work on my beliefs so that I can achieve some forward momentum with this task.

The Heart of the Matter

‘Love isn’t a memory. It’s so much more than that. Love is a world of it’s own that lives in the heart not the head.’ (Spencer, Criminal Minds)

During Mental Health Awareness week I came across a questionnaire by the Mental Health Foundation for assessing a person’s mental health. It was a series of statements that required a response as to how much you agreed with that statement over the last two weeks. Two of the statements in the questionnaire are ‘I’ve been feeling useful’ and ‘I’ve been feeling close to other people’. The isolation that comes from not feeling these two statements is deep and all too common.

We live in communities, physically close but failing to truly connect. Recent experiences of tube travel etiquette demonstrated this reality to me. The carriage becomes more and more crowded but interaction with fellow passengers is to be avoided at all costs. All too often we carry ourselves around protecting our inner selves with fake smiles, make-up and busyness while our inner-self wanders through life unsatisfied, cold and alone.

It’s great that so many are breaking the silence that surrounds mental health. It’s even better when someone struggling with their mental health is able to say so and is met with a response of love and acceptance. These declarations often occur once the individual is feeling robust. Their self-disclosure happens on a ‘good’ day when they feel that can deal with the responses that may come their way. What about the less good days? What about the ‘mean reds’? Many who suffer from depression or anxiety say that accepting them for who they are in their suffering makes a huge difference.

The quotation from Criminal Minds was part of a conversation between a mother and a son discussing her Alzheimers. The mother is worried that soon she will not remember her love for her son. He responds to her worries. Spencer’s conclusion is that love lives in the heart not the mind so their love will be unaffected by Alzheimers. All too often we feed on the stuff going on in our minds rather than on the truths and experiences of our hearts.

Our human experience is often a litany of hurts, rejections and failures. As children we learn the rhyme ‘sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me’. The truth is often the words do greater and longer lasting damage than sticks or stones could ever do. Our words and actions have a profound impact. Having read the responses of some who regularly suffer from mental health problems, it was encouraging to learn that regular responses of love, understanding and acceptance did make a difference.

We have an amazing tool at our disposal – words and acts of love. Enabling another to feel useful, creating a memory and atmosphere of closeness could make a world of difference, not just to those suffering with mental illness but to anyone’s mental wellbeing. It may be a simple as telling someone you are here for them. It could be as grand as planning a special treat for someone. This is not love in a gooey romantic sense but love as Aristotle described it. He said, ‘to love is to will good to another for the other’s sake’.

I plan to keep taking steps towards acts of love for the good of the other. I choose to dwell on the experiences of my heart rather than the doubts and questions of my mind.

Look a little deeper

The other day I was looking through our bedroom window – this is not a natural place from which to observe as it is directly above the bed and it is only from the bed that you get a good view. It looks out onto our drive and the street. But if you look up and beyond our street there is a flag and beyond that are clouds of green from distant trees. We have lived here for over four years and I don’t think I have ever seen that flag or the trees in the distance before. It got me thinking about what else I miss because I am quick to look but don’t take time to observe.

Aristotle applauded the skill of observation. For him, what we can see, hear, taste, feel & smell are the concrete signs of truth around us. Plato’s view that our changing world could not be trusted because everything is in a state of flux did not make sense to Aristotle. Aristotle believed that it made more sense to trust in what could be observed rather than some imagined ideal state existing beyond our world. I’m not sure I fully agree with either of them but I am learning the benefit of greater observation. It is not just my sight that has been affected. I have changed my eating habits so that for a longer period of time I am fasting in the day. When I break my fast for the day, the experience of taste is heightened. Initially I wanted to wolf down anything and everything and I would waste time thinking about what food I was going to have. I am neither rushing nor being particularly mindful and slow when it comes to eating, but I am aware that there is a greater sense of enjoyment in those first bites. There is a greater sense of appreciation in the variety of food that I could eat. I no longer feel constrained by meals that are typical breakfasts or lunches and there is something very freeing in that.

The old adage ‘seeing is believing’ has been found wanting, but seeing, really looking, takes us closer to understanding which questions need asking. This is true in science. Observation leads to hypothesis leads to asking the right questions and experimenting to discover the answers. I wonder what questions and answers I have missed because I failed to really look. People are communicating with us all the time, sometimes it’s with their words but most of the time they are relying on us to look, to really see what needs asking rather than relying on the trite clichéd questions that often fall out of our mouths.

During the Easter weekend I spent some time flicking through the Guardian’s magazine series ‘Do Something’. One of the activities that jumped out at me was street photography. I thought that this would be a great way to put my desire for greater observation into focus! I decided that I would take photos of the same part of our high street at regular intervals in the day and observe the changes that occurred.

It was daunting holding up a camera to capture people in my chosen scene. No one asked what I was doing, and as the day progressed I felt more confident in my role as photographer, capturing moments, looking for the details.

We all have the ability to make discoveries through observation. They might not be world-changing scientific ones, but they might be ones that change our world and the people around us. Taking notice has increased my sense of wonder and appreciation.

Leisure

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

William Henry Davies

Just Say No!

‘Just say no’ was the mantra used by my school as part of our drugs education. In my experience there is no ‘just’ about it. Saying no is difficult and requires courage.

Aristotle lists courage as an important virtue that people should try and develop. Fear is often seen as the opposite of courage, but Aristotle believed that there are things we should fear. One example he gives is fearing the loss of a good reputation. So fear in and of itself is not the antithesis of courage. Aristotle created the idea of the Golden Mean; this is the midway point between two vices. In the case of courage he believes that we need to find the point between cowardice (the deficiency of courage) and rashness (the excess of courage). In Ancient Greece the ultimate way of showing courage was in battle; to die in battle or to overcome the enemy was the highest honour.

Desmond Doss’ real life story is portrayed in the film Hacksaw Ridge. Here is a man who is willing to die for his country but is unwilling to take up a weapon to do so. He is labelled a coward and thought to be insane but he continues to stay true to his beliefs. There is a point in the film where he is given an ultimatum; to obey his commanding officer and show how a gun works or go to prison. He agonises over the choice as it is his heart’s desire to serve his country but he wants to remain true to his convictions. While watching his anguish, I am willing him to say ‘yes’ to the command, to just show them he knows how to use a gun. Then he’ll get his opportunity to serve as a medic on the front line. He refuses. I won’t tell you what happens next but his story is powerful one of courage and being true to yourself.

Often I think of being courageous as saying ‘yes’ to things; facing a fear, trying something new, making the most of an opportunity but lately I am finding that sometimes it takes courage to say ‘no’. I saw a wise friend of mine this week who had had to give up a number of activities where she was being successful for personal reasons. The time came when she was able to return to the things she had previously been involved in. Rather than picking up where she had left off, she felt a strong sense that she should just do one of those things. It was a hard decision because she loves to say ‘yes’ and she was really good at all the projects still available to her. Since then, she told me that her ability in the one activity she said yes to has increased and she can see this was the best and wisest choice for her.

I like to say ‘yes’ and with a more flexible timetable it is so tempting to do so, but I have felt challenged this week about whether I am saying ‘yes’ to the right things. I often see the need and think ‘Ooh, I could do that and if I don’t perhaps no one else will.’ I wonder how often I’ve trampled on someone else’s opportunity in order to add another ‘string to my bow’. My willingness to volunteer, to say ‘yes’ stems from compassion but underneath that lies the desire to be noticed, to have purpose. There’s a fear within me that if I don’t put my hand up, I will not be seen. Ultimately I fear not being loved.

So I am attempting to be courageous, to pick through the things I am currently doing and ask the question ‘Is this the right thing for now?’ This is just the first step, the harder part will be saying ‘no’ and letting go of the things that are not meant for me.

 

Have you experienced choices when it has been hard to say ‘No’? What happened?

What do you think is the greatest expression of courage?

Waiting For Wisdom

What if every test of endurance is less about achieving the goal and more about gaining experience and as a result, wisdom?

I’ve been back in the garden recently and what looked dead is now slowly coming back to life. If I only looked for the flowers or the fruit, I would miss so much of the beauty of the whole process. Tiny buds of potential, bright green shoots fighting their way through the heavy, wet earth reveal that although the big picture is still stripped bare, closer to the surface there is a lot going on and there is still more than my eyes don’t see.

I’m beginning to see the same is true for you and me. We spend so much time focused on the ‘fruit’, the goal that we miss the process. I have begun to question; what if there’s no ‘fruit’ – no creative community built through mindfulness and art – no published book. Would it still be worth it? I am beginning to conclude that the answer is ‘Yes!’ It will be worth it because of all the new relationships that are being forged, all the new things I am learning. It will be worth it for the experience.

Gaining experience is the focus of many advertising campaigns, often it seems with the purpose of allowing us to post the gratifying photo on Facebook.  But experience has a more profound purpose than becoming an anecdote on our Twitter feed; experience takes us deeper into the human condition. This is the precursor to wisdom.

Wisdom does not hold a prominent position in our culture. It is not taught in schools, it is not discussed in the mass media, it has been sidelined to the domains of philosophy and religion. The Ancient Greeks were certainly fans of wisdom but more than that it was something they actively sought after. For Aristotle, one of the Greek words for wisdom, sophia, (the act of reasoning, discovering and questioning) was limited if it did not lead to phronesis (practical wisdom – the ability to weigh up situations and act benevolently).

What a difference it would make if we paused to think about the events, choices and circumstances of our lives and considered what they might be teaching us, how we might do things better in the future and how our future choices could benefit others.

No doubt all of the world’s a stage, but you and I are involved in the task of improvisation rather than learning our lines. Each scene, each experience can take us forwards towards wisdom and compassion if we make the choice not to rush the finale but to see each scene as an opportunity to connect with the other players, with ourselves, with the set-designer.

Whilst thinking about endurance and achieving goals. I came across this definition for endurance ‘the capacity of something to last or to withstand wear and tear’. It’s referring to objects, but I really love it as a definition for myself and the things I am creating in my life. In a world where everything is disposable, including it seems relationships, and people, I want to create things that will last. Trouble and difficulty are inevitable, sometimes it seems like the solutions to these problems are to give up or to get a new one. Enduring the tough times, dealing with the confrontations, making the difficult decisions creates something more beautiful and valuable than simple moving on to something or someone new.

How can we gain more wisdom?

How can we help each other develop practical wisdom from our experience?

Who do you look to for wisdom?

Keep your pecker up!

 

 ‘Even the woodpecker owes his success to the fact that he uses his head and keeps pecking away until he finishes the job he starts.’ (Coleman Cox)

Maybe it’s the perpetual grey, the drizzle or the cold that even on the milder days seeps into your bones; the last few weeks have been tough.

I’ve always worked well with deadlines, but it is much harder when these are self-imposed. I have always enjoyed balancing a number of (usually unrelated) activities in life and my new routine is no exception. With such variety it can be hard to see whether progress is being made and whether each task is worth the time and effort that it takes.

Aristotle extols the benefits of developing virtues in order to truly flourish. One of these is courage. In Aristotle’s teaching this is more than being brave; it also means to endure.

The difficulty is, not knowing the stage you’re at. School gives very tangible markers for progress. Ticking off the lessons, counting down the days to exams or till the beginning of the holidays, each one provides boundaries as to where one is in the endurance test of education. Persevering is not necessarily easy but you can see where you’re going and how long it’s going to get to take there.

Life consists of markers too, but sometimes the timing is off. For a number of friends the milestones of marriage or having a baby have not come at the time they would wish. In such circumstances it is difficult to know whether to give up or to endure, hoping that your time will come.

Persevering when the outcome is uncertain is tough. The mantra to keep on keeping on sounds hollow and going back to what is safe looks inviting. It is often the case that hindsight allows us to see that progress was being made. It is when we look back we see the glimmers of hope or success.

I saw my first snowdrops this week and made a plan to see if any had appeared in the garden. As it was sunny, I decided I would do some gardening as well as look for snowdrops. Initially I didn’t see any, it was only as I stepped back to look at the improvement my weeding had made that I saw the tinniest strands of green bending under the weight of the white bells. It is worth taking time to search for the snowdrops, to stand back and really look. 

‘Prepare’ and ‘Reflect’ are my new action words. I have diversified my reading since leaving teaching and have a spiritual, fictional and philosophical book on the go at all times. I often start the day with a chapter from my spiritual book. I sometimes think ‘I don’t have time, I need to get on.’ Yet, when I take the time, not only to read but to consider and write down any thoughts, the rest of the day always seems more productive. I now view this time as ‘preparation’ for the day.

A while ago my husband decided to write down any events that made us happy or grateful on a piece of paper. These were kept in a box and at the end of the year we went through the papers. There was joy in remembering these times together but also surprise in how much we had forgotten. It is all too easy to gloss over or forget the good moments, but I think these things fuel our endurance, so that during the harder times, it is easier to see that ‘this too will pass’. I think I am going to reintroduce this, if not for the two of us, then definitely for me.

How do you keep persevering?

How important is endurance when it comes to being courageous?

What helps you enjoy the journey when the destination seems out of reach?

 

The Power of One

I was a little disturbed to read on the front page of the papers this week ‘May says US and UK can lead the world again.’ Whilst I’m not entirely sure of her motives behind saying this, it smacks of bravado and making the best of a bad situation. I’m not prepared to make any further criticism; she is in a tough position and I would never want to swap places. With our political and economic situation looking so uncertain it is easy to focus on the bleakness of our nation and despair.

I have never studied Aristotle as a politician, only as an ethicist and empiricist, but I can see he took a holistic view of all that he observed and considered. For him, politics was not about status or power but about achieving eudaimonia. This was the purpose of politics as far as he was concerned, it is ‘the business of the lawgiver to create the good society.’ (The Politics)

My feelings of bleakness and despair initially took a further dive following a number of articles about the problem of homelessness in the UK.

Then I came across this:

Keeping people on the streets warm

I love it. Someone thought creatively, had an idea and acted on it. Then because of the thoughts and actions of one person, others joined in. If I look at the nation, at things globally, I feel helpless. I question my role, as whatever I can do seems invisible and insignificant. Sometimes the big picture clouds a thousand smaller images that could bring change. I was inspired by another of Aristotle’s thoughts: ‘A state is partnership of families and clans living well and its object is the full and independent life.’ (The Politics) I wonder what it would look like if we were given the chance to partner with our government, with one another to create a good society. Regardless of the actions of the government we still have the choice to partner with one another.

The impersonal hand of government can never replace the helping hand of a neighbour. 

(Hubert Humphrey)

Since moving four years ago, it has been our desire to involve ourselves in the local community. With both of us having full-time jobs elsewhere, this was practically very difficult. We tried a ‘house warming’ with neighbours in our street; very few came but those that did appreciated the effort. Other ideas have also been unsuccessful, part of the reason maybe that many people stay here their whole lives and often their children do too. There is a village mentality, which means that time will really make a difference.

Earlier this month I started a new project. Having written about the importance of time for oneself and the benefits of ‘being’ rather than ‘doing’, I decided to facilitate time and activities that would enable people in our locality the opportunity to do so. I’ve set up a weekly time for people to enjoy free coffee & cake, take part in an art activity and enjoy some quiet time through sensory meditation. At our last gathering we nearly hit double figures, but numbers are not really important. It was so special to hear people saying that they had connected with people they would never normally have time to chat with. I loved seeing people rediscover that child-like joy through creating art with sweets, shaving foam, water and food colouring!

Each of us has a gift, a skill; if these remain unused, our communities are a little darker and colder. It is hard sometimes admitting we have need of one another, but it is a reciprocal relationship; as we give, so we receive.

We can begin by doing small things at the local level, like planting community gardens or looking out for our neighbours. That is how change takes place in living systems, not from above but from within, from many local actions occurring simultaneously.

(Grace Lee Boggs)

 You and I may just be drops in a vast ocean, but we can cause a ripple effect and who knows where it can end?

Shall I compare thee...

...to me?!

I came across a newspaper article recently, in which Daisy Lowe was being unfavourably compared to Emma Forbes. Both had been papped in their swim suits whilst on holiday and were being critiqued for their choice of swim-wear. I was a little incredulous that this sort of article still made the news, but was reminded in the last few days that there is still appetite for this kind of critiquing with the current flurry of award ceremonies. This is peak time for the appraisal of celebrity fashion and the shaming of those who commit fashion faux pas.

Despite collaboration being the buzzword in business and education we are still fuelled by competition. I get the argument: competition spurs on excellence and innovation. Many would also argue that competition is part of our Darwinian heritage, but it strikes me that with the advancement of technology, the need for competition in order than I might live or reproduce are no longer required. Whilst I can see there will always be competition in the world of work and sport, my concern is that I apply the same competitive nature to my life. This leads to a false and unhealthy comparison with others.

Whilst encouraging a friend to step out into a new project, I feel fearful I am getting left behind. I want to be the one who rejoices at their victories and weeps at their losses but all too often another’s victory leads to my own self-doubt and a mental side-ways glance to see how I am measuring up.

Aristotle’s proposal for the good life is through the development and application of virtues. He believed the flourishing of the individual would inevitably lead to the flourishing of society. Sounds good, but working out the reality of this is hard and even modern philosophers disagree with how this can be achieved. One of his ideas, which I love, is the virtue of friendship. To want the best for your friend without the motivation to benefit oneself is a high bar to set, but I believe one worth reaching for. Where is the place for competition in friendship? One might argue that there is no place, surely competition would lead to jealousy, upset and perhaps even relationship break-down. An American philosopher, Richard Kraut believes that there is a place for competition within friendship and virtue ethics. He calls this ‘moral competition’. This is the idea that there can be rivalry when being virtuous. However, this does not lead to the traditional ‘winners and losers’ in competition. Everyone is a winner as when an individual succeeds in acting virtuously, not only does that person benefit but also the people around them. If the act is truly virtuous then it should benefit all involved.

I’m not sure I’m totally convinced – it seems so easy to fall prey to pride or smugness in this kind of competition. It is all rather dependent on my definition of virtuous which is something hotly debated amongst modern philosophers.

Psychologists explain that female competitiveness is a result of a Darwinian compulsion to be impregnated by the best man. This seems an outdated, uncomfortable notion, yet the comparisons continue.

When our value is left in the hands of another, what are we left with but comparison and competition? When this competitive spirit takes hold of us we end up living in a small, limited world. The truth is the world is bigger than we imagine and we are greater than we can conceive. In a world without competition, without the threat of losing, who could you be?

What are the benefits of competition?

To what extent do you think collaboration a good alternative to competition?

What tips do you have for combating the competitive spirit that compels us to make comparisons?