Happiness - Danish Style

Last Autumn I wrote about the Danish concept of hygge. This Spring I have been introduced to the Danish concept of lykke.

I had the pleasure going on a family city break to Copenhagen last month. At the back of my brain somewhere was the idea that Denmark was one of the happiest places to live, along with the rest of Scandinavia. It was not something I had given much thought to before our trip. I was expecting it to be clean, but somehow seeing litterless streets and pristine underground stations was still surprising. What surprised me more was the attitude of the people travelling. One our first activities as a family in Copenhagen was going on a boat tour of the canals. We were travelling in a big cumbersome people-carrier of a boat whilst other smaller boats gave way to us, waving and smiling as they did so. Waving was quite a feature of the trip – not just kids and not just other tourists either. The waves were accompanied with smiles, and we all know that smiling is contagious. So there we were sitting in the sun, moving on the water being welcomed by the locals and experiencing some proper Danish lykke.

Lykke translates as happiness. Happiness often feels fleeting and is a reaction or response to something or someone. It seems that Happiness is something that happens to me. Aristotle said, 'Happiness depends on ourselves' - so I have been thinking about how to create moments of lykke in the everyday.

I’m not sure if it counts as lykke but one of the lasting impressions I had from our visit to Copenhagen was people’s attitude when travelling. We travelled on foot, by boat, on the underground and by train. It wasn’t until a later conversation that I realised everyone had a very relaxed ‘live and let live’ attitude to moving around and getting from one place to another. The doors of the underground train would open and the people wanting to get on, waited. This was not waiting with gritted teeth and rolling eyes. People weren’t tensed hoping for any small gap in the flow of travellers to make their move. It happened crossing the road too. Gestures of 'thanks' or 'go ahead' were lacking but so was impatience or the entitled sense that this was somebody else’s right of way and not yours.

I’ve checked, and all is not perfect in Denmark – road rage does exist and it is on the rise. I realise my own experience of travelling in Copenhagen was brief and limited but it did get me thinking.

I have had reason to do a fair amount of motorway driving in the last month. I did not need to arrive for a strict deadline but that did not prevent frustration and rage welling up when observing people who cannot drive on a four-lane motorway. Although I enjoy driving, I do find myself easily frustrated and angered by fellow motorists who don’t seem to take others into consideration. This is particularly true if I am running late! I don’t want this to be the case. I would like to adopt a ‘live and let live’ approach to driving. Rather than judging mums for parking on the squiggly lines outside of a school, I’d like to be more empathic and patient. I am consciously trying to leave a little earlier for journeys and try and be more patient in my attitude – some days are easier than others!

It’s much easier to be present when you are away from home. Tasks and chores fade into the background. I know there are various books that give advice about how to be present whilst doing chores but I find it difficult to remember both the chore and the conscious thought to be present! Instead I am trying to engage with activities that cause me to be slower. I’ve been choosing to sit for a few minutes in the garden (without listing all the gardening jobs that need my attention). I’m also consciously trying to engage all my senses when I am in a new place. Even if there is nothing of note, the process is a calming one. I’ve even done a bit of cycling (highly recommended in The Little Book of Lykke by Meik Wiking.)Take a moment, and bring on the lykke!

 What choices do you make to bring a bit more happiness into your life?

Contentment vs Happiness

This week I read an article about whether spending money makes people happy. The article looked at the lives of six women; each on a different salary and with different spending habits. One woman, a millionaire author, does not own a house or a car and says that she can fit all of her belongings in a large plastic box. As I read it, I was sceptical, but Amanda Prowse says this is how she has discovered what has real value and what makes her happy.

Intrigued, I did a little research and came across another writer who has purged her house to the extent that she can fit all of her day-to-day items in a cardboard box. For her, this has been a journey of self-discovery that has affected her relationships, eating & spending habits and her thought life. The idea has some appeal to me, although it would require much more extreme action than my wardrobe clear-out in early December. Realistically, I know there is more than a box of books I would struggle to chuck out and there is a bit of a squirrel inside me that says ‘that might be useful one day.’

These women, having sifted through their belongings seem to have come to a quiet contentment about ‘stuff’ which I find both admirable and enviable. There are many voices competing for our attention and many of them are telling us that we do not have enough or we do not have the right thing and if we could just acquire this ‘thing’ we would be happy. Even though I know this is a total swizz and none of these voices actually care about my happiness or wellbeing there is a part of me that believes them and I get sucked in. I live in a state of discontentment.

While there are a few quiet voices calling us to mindfulness and to slow down, the general message is ‘earn more money, buy more experiences, acquire the new stuff – get busy.’ We do place a high value on busyness and the ultimate consequence of this is that people get shut out. I know that previously in my own friendships, people have felt I was unavailable due to my busyness. That makes me sad; I don’t want to be that busy person.

I have been thinking about happiness and contentment and the difference between the two. Some definitions imply they are more or less the same thing. I have always thought there is a transitory quality to happiness, whereas contentment feels more solid and lasting; more of a life-style than a feeling. One definition that I came across explained contentment as a state of satisfaction that is not disturbed by the desire of anything more or anything different. This seems to be at odds with growth and development of oneself but I think if applied to the general state of one’s life this could be truly liberating. That sense of truly enjoying the present for what it brings. 

There is so much I am complacent about because my thoughts are either anchored in the past or second-guessing the future. I have heard people recommend ‘gratitude journals’ to aid thinking in the present and to develop contentment. Whilst I have not created a journal for this purpose, I have found it useful, on those days that feel grey, regardless of the weather, to spend five minutes writing a list of all the things I am thankful for. It can take time getting started but then it can be difficult to stop! As I look back over some of the lists I am struck by how much I take for granted and how little things like a friendly text, the smell of hyacinths, a good cup of tea really do make a difference but are so easy to overlook.

Which is better, happiness or contentment?

What are you grateful for today?

What other activities lead you towards contentment?

I am now starting a six week break from blogging. This is partly due to finding momentum for my novel and I want to focus on that but also because I have been thinking about a different direction for the blog and want some time to consider this.

Keep your pecker up!

 

 ‘Even the woodpecker owes his success to the fact that he uses his head and keeps pecking away until he finishes the job he starts.’ (Coleman Cox)

Maybe it’s the perpetual grey, the drizzle or the cold that even on the milder days seeps into your bones; the last few weeks have been tough.

I’ve always worked well with deadlines, but it is much harder when these are self-imposed. I have always enjoyed balancing a number of (usually unrelated) activities in life and my new routine is no exception. With such variety it can be hard to see whether progress is being made and whether each task is worth the time and effort that it takes.

Aristotle extols the benefits of developing virtues in order to truly flourish. One of these is courage. In Aristotle’s teaching this is more than being brave; it also means to endure.

The difficulty is, not knowing the stage you’re at. School gives very tangible markers for progress. Ticking off the lessons, counting down the days to exams or till the beginning of the holidays, each one provides boundaries as to where one is in the endurance test of education. Persevering is not necessarily easy but you can see where you’re going and how long it’s going to get to take there.

Life consists of markers too, but sometimes the timing is off. For a number of friends the milestones of marriage or having a baby have not come at the time they would wish. In such circumstances it is difficult to know whether to give up or to endure, hoping that your time will come.

Persevering when the outcome is uncertain is tough. The mantra to keep on keeping on sounds hollow and going back to what is safe looks inviting. It is often the case that hindsight allows us to see that progress was being made. It is when we look back we see the glimmers of hope or success.

I saw my first snowdrops this week and made a plan to see if any had appeared in the garden. As it was sunny, I decided I would do some gardening as well as look for snowdrops. Initially I didn’t see any, it was only as I stepped back to look at the improvement my weeding had made that I saw the tinniest strands of green bending under the weight of the white bells. It is worth taking time to search for the snowdrops, to stand back and really look. 

‘Prepare’ and ‘Reflect’ are my new action words. I have diversified my reading since leaving teaching and have a spiritual, fictional and philosophical book on the go at all times. I often start the day with a chapter from my spiritual book. I sometimes think ‘I don’t have time, I need to get on.’ Yet, when I take the time, not only to read but to consider and write down any thoughts, the rest of the day always seems more productive. I now view this time as ‘preparation’ for the day.

A while ago my husband decided to write down any events that made us happy or grateful on a piece of paper. These were kept in a box and at the end of the year we went through the papers. There was joy in remembering these times together but also surprise in how much we had forgotten. It is all too easy to gloss over or forget the good moments, but I think these things fuel our endurance, so that during the harder times, it is easier to see that ‘this too will pass’. I think I am going to reintroduce this, if not for the two of us, then definitely for me.

How do you keep persevering?

How important is endurance when it comes to being courageous?

What helps you enjoy the journey when the destination seems out of reach?