Something to Celebrate

Today is the first anniversary of this blog, which means it also a year since leaving teaching and starting writing. This blog started out as an exploration of what it means to live the good life. I don’t think it has veered too much off course, but I have been surprised by how it has reflected my own inner-life, rather than pure reflections on philosophical ideas and psychology.

This whole process has been a cycle of starting new things, learning new skills and then starting over again. Writing, reading, editing and making amendments feels very much like taking one step forwards and then two steps back. I am reminded of an earlier post when I wrote about how the first steps of a child are celebrated. * Often those first faltering steps are followed by stumbles and a fall. This year I have taken my first proper steps into writing. There have been moments of delight in sensing that I am making progress and moving forwards but there have been times of stumbles and falls. I am learning to pick myself up again and to use the steps taken as motivation to keep going.

A number of people have asked me how I can be self-motivated and keep on writing. I feel the expectation to say something wise and profound. The truth is I am finding it much like someone describes eating an elephant – manageable one bite at a time! Sometimes I am fed up of eating elephant and sometimes I am overwhelmed by the size of it. I recognise though that this time is a gift. I do not want to look back at my life and wonder ‘what if’ so I find things that enable me to keep going. One of them seems an unlikely motivator, but it works for me. There is a post-it on my desk that simply says ‘It’s always too soon to quit.’ I do not know what the outcome of all this writing will be, that is something that is out of my control but my response to whether I write is within my control – so it’s always too soon to quit!

This anniversary is an opportunity to look back, to reflect upon the highs and lows, the mistakes and lessons learned. It is also a chance to look forward, to set new goals and ideas into motion. Here in the present, is an opportunity to celebrate and be grateful.

I am grateful for this amazing gift of time and space to write. I owe this to the generosity and unwavering support of my husband, who was and still is willing to support me in giving up a paid full-time job to embark upon this writing adventure. I am grateful to you, the readers. Thank you for travelling this journey with me. For those of you who have commented, whether it is on the posts or in real life, I really appreciate you getting involved! Thank you to those who have spoken words of encouragement and belief in me – you are worth more than a million post-its! Thank you to my giraffe-otter friend – your proof-reading skills, advice and encouragement are priceless.

Although there is no call (yet) from the publisher, tonight we will celebrate. We have so much to be thankful for. And the little steps are worth celebrating just as much as the big ones. 

What small steps could you celebrate at the moment?

What helps you stay motivated?

What are you thankful for today?

*Elementary, my dear Watson

Dear Diary

When I was at secondary school my best friend kept a diary. There were times she shared parts of it with me. I felt honoured but I was also a little envious. Envious that she had the self-discipline to write everyday and that she felt free enough to share her thoughts on the pages. I have tried to keep a diary a number of times but I never found it easy to write something everyday and somehow it was disappointing not to be consistent.

There are famous diaries, ones to be read and that it is another thing I find daunting about it – either it is honest and an outpouring (my favoured approach) or it has to be written in a way that it can be read and is therefore censored. These were the only two approaches in my young mind.

As I embarked upon my year of writing, I read a lot of advice about writing everyday and I guess the obvious way of doing this, if you don’t have a writing project on the go, is to write a diary.

My diary writing has not taken the form of recording the events of the day but instead has become a record of books and articles I have read and my response to these. I’ve also made notes of observations, ideas and some reflections. Occasionally there is a more emotional outpouring which has proven to be rather cathartic but there is no sense that I have a record of my days for the last year.

Holidays have become times for keeping a diary. We’ve found it a fun way to remember activities we have enjoyed and the people we have met. Sometimes it has been a shared activity. This then is a diary for jogging the memory not for recording emotions and feelings. The entries have been read again, causing laughter and memories of things unwritten.

I used to think that a diary needed to be a prose account of the day. I would be nervous about starting new writing book, scared that I would mess it up. This year I forced myself to choose from beautiful notebooks I had been given and just begin.

It is a recommended practice in helping achieve wellbeing. It gives the opportunity to vent and address problems. It provides a record, allowing you to win arguments concerning forgetfulness! Life is so often busy and frantic that having a time and a place to stop and reflect is precious.

I have found it helpful to ignore what I perceive to be the rules of writing a diary and have enjoyed the freedom this has given me. I have discovered the freedom to doodle, add quotations, write thoughts that are not complete sentences and pour out occasional streams of emotion.

I would thoroughly recommend keeping a diary and doing it your way. You don’t have to wait for the New Year, just find yourself a book and a pen and begin!

 

I started keeping a diary in third grade and, in solidarity with Anne Frank, gave it a name and made it my confidante. To this day, I feel comforted and relieved of loneliness, no matter how foreign my surroundings, if I have a pad and a pen with which to record my experiences. Ariel Levy

Patience is a virtue!

I have been without my car for the last ten days. A problem I thought would be solved by my friendly RAC man proved too complicated for roadside assistance. It has perplexed the mechanics at my garage too. So I was left changing plans stranded at home during the days.

It was not so much the inconvenience of not having a car that rankled but the not knowing when or even if I would have the car again. The not knowing and possible outcomes clouded my thinking. The frustration at having to say ‘No’ to people and feeling out of control of that choice led me to realise how losing control in this area of my life was affecting my well-being. I’m sure there were other factors at work too, there always are – it’s never just one thing that goes wrong.

The day my car was returned was a total surprise. There was no proceeding phone call, just a ring on the doorbell and there was my car back on the driveway. There was a great sense of relief (both my husband and I had thought we might have to find a new car) and a sense of childlike excitement. I was surprised at how fun it was to get back behind the wheel. The pleasure was heightened by putting the roof down and turning the music up! Philosophers would argue that this is one of the benefits of patience; having delayed gratification the enjoyment of the end is that much sweeter. I don’t know that I practised patience particularly well. I didn’t have too much choice in the matter, but the waiting definitely renewed my appreciation for driving in general and my car in particular.

In the middle of the not knowing and the disappointment I began to think about what I had been learning during these months of stillness and waiting. I had been trying to listen less to the negative thoughts that would bring a halt to everything and trying to listen more to the positive. I had reached a self-imposed deadline in my writing, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t more to be done. Being at home meant jobs that otherwise would have been delayed, got done.

This change in pace brought a different kind of thinking and for the first time in a while I had a completely new idea, not related to either of the two books I am currently writing, it  was exciting and refreshing to dream about something new for a while. It had become all to easy to forget some of my early thoughts about giving time for creativity when creating narrative and characters have become daily habits.

Being ‘on pause’ has been a recurring theme of this year. It goes against my natural instincts and common sense. It is not a passive inactivity but more a restful quietness that allows for envisioning and inspired ideas to come to the fore.

This week has taught me that there is always room for more. The creative well is deep. Sometimes obstacles and tedious waiting allows for that space and time for new ideas to grow.

Finding Your Voice

As I have immersed myself into writing, I have found that many writing advisers put forward ways to help emerging authors to find their voice. One of the obvious ways is ‘simply’ to write. This can be done once you have overcome the fear of the blank page, your internal editor “Don’t write that!” and found a topic or story that you feel compelled to write. It all sounds so easy, yet the practise alternates between sluggish sentences and whirlwinds of notions fighting for their space on the page.

For me the process has involved more than just a discovery of my writing style (and that is still developing.) There has also been an uncovering. This has been an internal peeling of layers; finding out what is important and a greater sense of who I am. Not all of it has been pleasant and much of it has centred on voices - whose voices am I listening to? Am I allowing my voice to be heard? Which voices will I choose to follow?

The three most helpful activities that have helped me through this process are finding time for silence, talking with trusted friends and making writing a regular discipline. There are so many voices filling up the spaces of our lives. Thanks to social media, everyone now has their opportunity to share. It is in the silence that I able to fully reconnect with myself and to the One who created me. It has been so precious to have regular times connecting with friends who know and love me. This blog came out of the decision to write regularly and to set myself a weekly deadline. Nine months later, I am revising my first non-fiction book and working on the voices of my characters for my novel.

It is not just writers who need to find their voice, we all do. To find and accept those passions that make us unique. To dig deep inside and discover the gold that lies within. Each one of us has it. Each one of us has value to bring to our families, friends and communities. So often our voice remains a whisper. When it does, people don’t hear it and we run the risk of being ignored, overlooked or shouted over. Your voice deserves to be heard. Not more than any other voice, but we need to hear yours.

When you’re aware that the other person in a conversation is wearing shoes or even boots because your words are being trampled on, your voice is not being heard. It’s the indecision between saying what you really think and saying what you are expected to say. It’s being sure that even if you come across as a selfish slob, you are not one. All too often I fear my voice will be too loud, too demanding or misunderstood. I am learning to recognise that even among the millions of voices vying for attention; mine has the right to be heard. So does yours.

It might help to ask yourself “Where am I holding back?” “In what instances am I biting my tongue and then regretting doing so?” “Where could I speak up a bit more?” You may think you are only one small voice, but lone small things DO make a difference. A lit candle in the darkness, impacts upon ALL the darkness not just the area closest to its glow. The darkness is changed by the light of one flame.