Patience is a virtue!

I have been without my car for the last ten days. A problem I thought would be solved by my friendly RAC man proved too complicated for roadside assistance. It has perplexed the mechanics at my garage too. So I was left changing plans stranded at home during the days.

It was not so much the inconvenience of not having a car that rankled but the not knowing when or even if I would have the car again. The not knowing and possible outcomes clouded my thinking. The frustration at having to say ‘No’ to people and feeling out of control of that choice led me to realise how losing control in this area of my life was affecting my well-being. I’m sure there were other factors at work too, there always are – it’s never just one thing that goes wrong.

The day my car was returned was a total surprise. There was no proceeding phone call, just a ring on the doorbell and there was my car back on the driveway. There was a great sense of relief (both my husband and I had thought we might have to find a new car) and a sense of childlike excitement. I was surprised at how fun it was to get back behind the wheel. The pleasure was heightened by putting the roof down and turning the music up! Philosophers would argue that this is one of the benefits of patience; having delayed gratification the enjoyment of the end is that much sweeter. I don’t know that I practised patience particularly well. I didn’t have too much choice in the matter, but the waiting definitely renewed my appreciation for driving in general and my car in particular.

In the middle of the not knowing and the disappointment I began to think about what I had been learning during these months of stillness and waiting. I had been trying to listen less to the negative thoughts that would bring a halt to everything and trying to listen more to the positive. I had reached a self-imposed deadline in my writing, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t more to be done. Being at home meant jobs that otherwise would have been delayed, got done.

This change in pace brought a different kind of thinking and for the first time in a while I had a completely new idea, not related to either of the two books I am currently writing, it  was exciting and refreshing to dream about something new for a while. It had become all to easy to forget some of my early thoughts about giving time for creativity when creating narrative and characters have become daily habits.

Being ‘on pause’ has been a recurring theme of this year. It goes against my natural instincts and common sense. It is not a passive inactivity but more a restful quietness that allows for envisioning and inspired ideas to come to the fore.

This week has taught me that there is always room for more. The creative well is deep. Sometimes obstacles and tedious waiting allows for that space and time for new ideas to grow.

Waiting For Wisdom

What if every test of endurance is less about achieving the goal and more about gaining experience and as a result, wisdom?

I’ve been back in the garden recently and what looked dead is now slowly coming back to life. If I only looked for the flowers or the fruit, I would miss so much of the beauty of the whole process. Tiny buds of potential, bright green shoots fighting their way through the heavy, wet earth reveal that although the big picture is still stripped bare, closer to the surface there is a lot going on and there is still more than my eyes don’t see.

I’m beginning to see the same is true for you and me. We spend so much time focused on the ‘fruit’, the goal that we miss the process. I have begun to question; what if there’s no ‘fruit’ – no creative community built through mindfulness and art – no published book. Would it still be worth it? I am beginning to conclude that the answer is ‘Yes!’ It will be worth it because of all the new relationships that are being forged, all the new things I am learning. It will be worth it for the experience.

Gaining experience is the focus of many advertising campaigns, often it seems with the purpose of allowing us to post the gratifying photo on Facebook.  But experience has a more profound purpose than becoming an anecdote on our Twitter feed; experience takes us deeper into the human condition. This is the precursor to wisdom.

Wisdom does not hold a prominent position in our culture. It is not taught in schools, it is not discussed in the mass media, it has been sidelined to the domains of philosophy and religion. The Ancient Greeks were certainly fans of wisdom but more than that it was something they actively sought after. For Aristotle, one of the Greek words for wisdom, sophia, (the act of reasoning, discovering and questioning) was limited if it did not lead to phronesis (practical wisdom – the ability to weigh up situations and act benevolently).

What a difference it would make if we paused to think about the events, choices and circumstances of our lives and considered what they might be teaching us, how we might do things better in the future and how our future choices could benefit others.

No doubt all of the world’s a stage, but you and I are involved in the task of improvisation rather than learning our lines. Each scene, each experience can take us forwards towards wisdom and compassion if we make the choice not to rush the finale but to see each scene as an opportunity to connect with the other players, with ourselves, with the set-designer.

Whilst thinking about endurance and achieving goals. I came across this definition for endurance ‘the capacity of something to last or to withstand wear and tear’. It’s referring to objects, but I really love it as a definition for myself and the things I am creating in my life. In a world where everything is disposable, including it seems relationships, and people, I want to create things that will last. Trouble and difficulty are inevitable, sometimes it seems like the solutions to these problems are to give up or to get a new one. Enduring the tough times, dealing with the confrontations, making the difficult decisions creates something more beautiful and valuable than simple moving on to something or someone new.

How can we gain more wisdom?

How can we help each other develop practical wisdom from our experience?

Who do you look to for wisdom?