Trick and Treat

No, it’s not Halloween come early or really late (depending on your viewpoint) it’s my perspective on resolutions for this year.

I was asked to provide some craft and other activities for an event on New Year’s Eve. It seemed obvious to consider resolutions but I was thinking of how to make it more accessible and fun. Resolutions can be enjoyable rather than simply focusing on bad habits or starting healthy ones. I began by thinking about the different areas of life; family, work, social, health & fitness, wellbeing and spirituality. In the style of 'here's one I made earlier' I began to think about what my resolutions for 2018 would be.

I realise we’re practically half way through January and you may feel the moment has passed for setting yourself a goal. The New Year is just one opportunity – it could be September, it could be the end of April or it could be tomorrow. Everyday is new and an opportunity to take a step towards your ‘good life’. It doesn’t matter when or where your journey begins, the important thing is simply to begin.

I could set myself the resolution of completing my novel or getting fit – both of which would be excellent goals for this year, but both seem too big and scary. Instead I have decided upon five different tasks that I want to try and incorporate – some for the year, some for a period of time. Each one will take me closer to the ‘good life.’ Some of these actions are tricks for my brain – they are steps on the way to those bigger goals and who knows, they may help me achieve them.

One of my steps is to have clear mornings. This means being at home, sitting at my desk and starting the day with whatever writing tasks I have set myself as priorities. I’m finding that I am getting more done, so I am feeling less concerned by what gets ‘achieved’ in the afternoons.

Another of my tasks is to walk (briskly and for a reasonable distance) three times a week. I have two lovely friends who are also free and happy to walk with me. This helps me keep on track. It’s much easier walking together rather than trying to complete all three walks on my own.

One of the things I wanted to do this year was something new and to make time for something I enjoy. With this is mind I recently found myself a piano teacher and booked a lesson. I had piano lessons growing up and reached Grade 5, but have not really invested any time or effort into keeping it up as an adult. I am hoping that some lessons will inspire me to tickle the ivories in our lounge more regularly. I don’t have a goal beyond having the lessons - I certainly don’t want to do any more grades! I hope that having made the little steps of booking the lessons and finding some pieces that excite me, the passion to play will follow.

2018 for me will be year of small steps; tricking myself into achieving bigger goals. The achievements will be treats in and of themselves. I have also chosen goals that are pure treat – that have no function other than bringing more variety and fun into my life. One of which is to watch a film of my choice once a fortnight. 

 “We love films because they make us feel something. They speak to our desires, which are never small. They allow us to escape and to dream and to gaze into the eyes that are impossibly beautiful and huge. They fill us with longing. But also, they tell us to remember; they remind us of life.”   

(Nina LacCour)

  I encourage you, take a step towards your dream and chase after the good life this year. Trick yourself into believing you can do it and then do it!

Happy New Year!

 

Age Ain't Nothing but a Number

 

The significant birthday has been and gone. A number of people have asked me how I feel about turning forty. It doesn’t feel the big deal I thought it might. I realise I’m in the position of having both friends and family that will be thinking ‘Forty! That’s old.’ and others who will be thinking the opposite. I guess any new decade of age feels significant to the one entering it. The first two decades of life are met with excitement and then it seems, especially in our culture, any of the following decades are to be feared. I guess it is all tied up with regrets or what a person feels they should have done by the time they hit that particular decade, but there are all sorts of signs that getting older has its benefits.

I read in the paper today that People’s most beautiful woman in the world, this year is Julia Roberts (aged 49, if you’re wondering). Sadly, probably many would respond by saying that she doesn’t look her age – the greatest compliment someone older can receive right? We’re so obsessed with aesthetics and looking young, it is no wonder people try to slow down the aging process.  

Aging well is a matter of attitude. I have the privilege of knowing a number of individuals who are over seventy and have never-ending energy for the activities they passionate about. It was an honour to stand with a couple of them recently to support their vision of connecting with our local community. It is always a mistake to put people in boxes and age is no different. We colour our own experience and perception of others when we believe the lies of the media or assume one teenager or retiree is the same as another.

 

I noticed, when watching Bake Off this week, that those who were more vocal about the discomfort of the heat and the difficulty of making Italian sfogliatelle had the worst outcomes. We can talk and think ourselves into failure, unhappiness and fear, so the opposite is also true. Attitudes to growing old can be changed. It starts with my attitude and what I choose to believe. I want to check my thoughts and beliefs by making sure I’m part of activities and groups that encompass different ages, so that my beliefs are fuelled by real experiences rather than media stereotypes.

I have done a little reflecting on my last decade. I don’t think I would have believed that I would be where I am right now, if someone had told me when I turned thirty. A friend of mine had encouraged me to write a ‘dream page’ of goals to achieve – both short and long term. I found one I had written about eight years ago. I was amazed how many of the goals had come to pass. Some, I could remember thinking at the time seemed impossible, yet they have been fulfilled. For me, that makes the next decade exciting. I have no idea what might happen in the next ten years. There is a sense of a new beginning and I want to look forward. I have taken down my creative wall that I pinned up during the transition from teaching to writing. I am considering what I will be giving my time to, what will be my new short and long term goals. I shall be writing a new dream page. The trick with these is not to let your ‘inner editor’ have their say. It is ‘blue sky thinking’ – you are not meant to consider potential obstacles but to allow yourself to dream.

 

Be More Teen

‘Good habits formed at youth make all the difference.’ Aristotle

Teenagers get a bad press: selfish, loud, moody, aggressive, messy, irresponsible - the list could go on. The reality is more complex than this. Teenagers often express total contradictions: intense and playful, sensitive and thoughtless, dreamers and doers. Interestingly, many of these attributes are essential for creativity.

Over the last few weeks, for various reasons, I have been thinking back to my school days and teenage years. This has not always been a pleasant exercise – school was not my favourite place to be. I can remember making myself sick in order to stay at home. I experienced bullying at both primary and secondary school. The walk down memory lane was not a journey for re-living these experiences. I was looking for my best moments, the times when I felt truly alive.

‘Adolescence is a new birth, for the higher and more completely human traits are now born.’ 

G. Stanley Hall.

 As adults, if we think about reliving our teenager years it is associated with bad taste. Whether it’s clothes or hairstyles, buying the fast car we dreamed of owning or attending an event where some tribute band are playing the tunes you rocked out to, there is the memory of freedom perhaps even rebellion.

I’ve been searching for the lost and forgotten dreams. The activities that made me feel free. These teenager years are often referred to as our formative ones because they are so crucial to creating the person we are today. When I look back there are definitely passions or capabilities that I have forgotten. These have been overlooked or discarded because the responsibilities of adulthood have taken over.

A simple example that I rediscovered recently was the joy of being on a swing. I was in someone else’s garden and there at the bottom was a huge tree, from it dangled a swing. The sun was out and the garden was bathed in spring-time glory but more than the comfy looking bench, the walk through a woodland area or the beauty of the flowers themselves, it was the swing that called out to me. Tentatively, I asked permission to sit and swing. (I had thought perhaps it was just for children). I was greeted with surprise and then a smile ‘Of course you can use the swing!’ So I indulged, gently at first and then with greater abandon. My eyes took in the garden from an entirely new view-point and then I closed them, enjoying the tingle of not knowing exactly where I was going.

I have taken some time to think back, to make a list and consider what was and what has been lost. Some of what I have rediscovered has affirmed my current choices. Others have been surprises and encouragements to try forgotten activities and reclaim passions that have been dormant.

As I look back, time and friendships appear to be different. Now, I make appointments to meet up with friends and usually they involve some kind of plan; dinner, drinks, cinema etc. Then, everything seemed more fluid (this may be poor remembering on my part) but there were definitely times of just ‘hanging out’ no plans, no agenda except to spend time with my friend. Sometimes the best times were those unplanned ones.

Time is a gift. It is up to us to decide what we will do with it. This is easier said than done and even with all my ‘flexible’ time, I am still learning about time management. Prioritising the important is my new habit. I now block out periods of time in advance so that they can be devoted to something I do not feel I have enough time for. I physically do it in my diary and I am finding it works. My husband and I have done the same for time together too. Nothing is to infringe on that time without permission from the other. There is no agenda for these times together and I think that is part of what makes them really special.

‘It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.’ E. E. Cummings

What passion or skill has been dormant since your teenage years?

How could ‘hanging out’ with no agenda benefit your relationships?

What activity would you like to try to recapture that feeling of youthful freedom?

P.S. The novel is progressing (slowly) and I will shortly be introducing you to my new blog project, so watch this space.....