Be More Teen

‘Good habits formed at youth make all the difference.’ Aristotle

Teenagers get a bad press: selfish, loud, moody, aggressive, messy, irresponsible - the list could go on. The reality is more complex than this. Teenagers often express total contradictions: intense and playful, sensitive and thoughtless, dreamers and doers. Interestingly, many of these attributes are essential for creativity.

Over the last few weeks, for various reasons, I have been thinking back to my school days and teenage years. This has not always been a pleasant exercise – school was not my favourite place to be. I can remember making myself sick in order to stay at home. I experienced bullying at both primary and secondary school. The walk down memory lane was not a journey for re-living these experiences. I was looking for my best moments, the times when I felt truly alive.

‘Adolescence is a new birth, for the higher and more completely human traits are now born.’ 

G. Stanley Hall.

 As adults, if we think about reliving our teenager years it is associated with bad taste. Whether it’s clothes or hairstyles, buying the fast car we dreamed of owning or attending an event where some tribute band are playing the tunes you rocked out to, there is the memory of freedom perhaps even rebellion.

I’ve been searching for the lost and forgotten dreams. The activities that made me feel free. These teenager years are often referred to as our formative ones because they are so crucial to creating the person we are today. When I look back there are definitely passions or capabilities that I have forgotten. These have been overlooked or discarded because the responsibilities of adulthood have taken over.

A simple example that I rediscovered recently was the joy of being on a swing. I was in someone else’s garden and there at the bottom was a huge tree, from it dangled a swing. The sun was out and the garden was bathed in spring-time glory but more than the comfy looking bench, the walk through a woodland area or the beauty of the flowers themselves, it was the swing that called out to me. Tentatively, I asked permission to sit and swing. (I had thought perhaps it was just for children). I was greeted with surprise and then a smile ‘Of course you can use the swing!’ So I indulged, gently at first and then with greater abandon. My eyes took in the garden from an entirely new view-point and then I closed them, enjoying the tingle of not knowing exactly where I was going.

I have taken some time to think back, to make a list and consider what was and what has been lost. Some of what I have rediscovered has affirmed my current choices. Others have been surprises and encouragements to try forgotten activities and reclaim passions that have been dormant.

As I look back, time and friendships appear to be different. Now, I make appointments to meet up with friends and usually they involve some kind of plan; dinner, drinks, cinema etc. Then, everything seemed more fluid (this may be poor remembering on my part) but there were definitely times of just ‘hanging out’ no plans, no agenda except to spend time with my friend. Sometimes the best times were those unplanned ones.

Time is a gift. It is up to us to decide what we will do with it. This is easier said than done and even with all my ‘flexible’ time, I am still learning about time management. Prioritising the important is my new habit. I now block out periods of time in advance so that they can be devoted to something I do not feel I have enough time for. I physically do it in my diary and I am finding it works. My husband and I have done the same for time together too. Nothing is to infringe on that time without permission from the other. There is no agenda for these times together and I think that is part of what makes them really special.

‘It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.’ E. E. Cummings

What passion or skill has been dormant since your teenage years?

How could ‘hanging out’ with no agenda benefit your relationships?

What activity would you like to try to recapture that feeling of youthful freedom?

P.S. The novel is progressing (slowly) and I will shortly be introducing you to my new blog project, so watch this space.....

Keep your pecker up!

 

 ‘Even the woodpecker owes his success to the fact that he uses his head and keeps pecking away until he finishes the job he starts.’ (Coleman Cox)

Maybe it’s the perpetual grey, the drizzle or the cold that even on the milder days seeps into your bones; the last few weeks have been tough.

I’ve always worked well with deadlines, but it is much harder when these are self-imposed. I have always enjoyed balancing a number of (usually unrelated) activities in life and my new routine is no exception. With such variety it can be hard to see whether progress is being made and whether each task is worth the time and effort that it takes.

Aristotle extols the benefits of developing virtues in order to truly flourish. One of these is courage. In Aristotle’s teaching this is more than being brave; it also means to endure.

The difficulty is, not knowing the stage you’re at. School gives very tangible markers for progress. Ticking off the lessons, counting down the days to exams or till the beginning of the holidays, each one provides boundaries as to where one is in the endurance test of education. Persevering is not necessarily easy but you can see where you’re going and how long it’s going to get to take there.

Life consists of markers too, but sometimes the timing is off. For a number of friends the milestones of marriage or having a baby have not come at the time they would wish. In such circumstances it is difficult to know whether to give up or to endure, hoping that your time will come.

Persevering when the outcome is uncertain is tough. The mantra to keep on keeping on sounds hollow and going back to what is safe looks inviting. It is often the case that hindsight allows us to see that progress was being made. It is when we look back we see the glimmers of hope or success.

I saw my first snowdrops this week and made a plan to see if any had appeared in the garden. As it was sunny, I decided I would do some gardening as well as look for snowdrops. Initially I didn’t see any, it was only as I stepped back to look at the improvement my weeding had made that I saw the tinniest strands of green bending under the weight of the white bells. It is worth taking time to search for the snowdrops, to stand back and really look. 

‘Prepare’ and ‘Reflect’ are my new action words. I have diversified my reading since leaving teaching and have a spiritual, fictional and philosophical book on the go at all times. I often start the day with a chapter from my spiritual book. I sometimes think ‘I don’t have time, I need to get on.’ Yet, when I take the time, not only to read but to consider and write down any thoughts, the rest of the day always seems more productive. I now view this time as ‘preparation’ for the day.

A while ago my husband decided to write down any events that made us happy or grateful on a piece of paper. These were kept in a box and at the end of the year we went through the papers. There was joy in remembering these times together but also surprise in how much we had forgotten. It is all too easy to gloss over or forget the good moments, but I think these things fuel our endurance, so that during the harder times, it is easier to see that ‘this too will pass’. I think I am going to reintroduce this, if not for the two of us, then definitely for me.

How do you keep persevering?

How important is endurance when it comes to being courageous?

What helps you enjoy the journey when the destination seems out of reach?