Discover Your Hygge

I have been watching The Ganges with Sue Perkins. In the first episode she makes the arduous trek to the source of the river and shares that the reason for this journey to India to give herself time and space to grieve. It saddened me that this is how she felt. I do not think it is true that we need to travel hundreds of miles, or experience another culture in order to delve into the deepest parts of ourselves. However, I think Sue is right that our lifestyles and culture often fight against the space and time that we truly need. It becomes a matter of recognition and choice.

First, I need to recognise that life is so busy and noisy that my inner self has no opportunity to stop, to think, or even breathe. Then, and this is perhaps the hardest part, I need to make time, create a space that will allow my inner self the chance to surface.

We fill our lives with tasks, technology and so many distractions that we lose out on time for our minds to wander. Our minds are full of to do lists and what’s next questions and half-started conversations with people that never seem to get completed because there is always the next thing to move on to.

Recently I was given the gift of some quality time and space; a friend paid for a visit to Kew Gardens. It was lovely. There was time for chatter and catching up. There was also space to be silent, to just sit and take in the amazing sculptures and plants. It was wonderful to audibly gasp at the vibrancy and variety and to consider the still, small voice behind it all.

I have been learning about the Danish concept of hygge – experiencing happiness or cosiness. This might be lighting candles in the evening, snuggling under a blanket with a book, wrapping up and staring at the stars, a bubble bath, putting the world to rights with a friend and your chosen alcoholic tipple or a whole host of other activities. My understanding is hygge is creating an atmosphere where the inner you sighs with pleasure, your senses are in some way cuddled and a feeling of well-being ensues.

Children create these moments without trying. I have had the pleasure of building inside dens. These become houses or boats, depending on the architect’s imagination. Why did we grow out of building dens? It’s such fun creating a space with all the softest furnishings and then adding a roof (to somehow make it feel more secret or mysterious). I’ll let you into a secret: sometimes I make a den and there are no children around. Try it. Read a book in it, take a nap, or have an indoor picnic.

In these moments my soul is a little less weary, a little less worn. It may seem frivolous to plan time to build a den, to stare at stars or to wander aimlessly in nature when there is so much to be done. Academics have ivory towers, MP’s take baths, and even Immanuel Kant took daily walks. It is time to discover your hygge.

Time for you is precious. Time to heal your soul is priceless. Therefore this time should be guarded. It won’t just happen; you will need to create it. Mark it in your diary and stop the world from encroaching on it. Go on try it, you might just like it.

Age Ain't Nothing but a Number

 

The significant birthday has been and gone. A number of people have asked me how I feel about turning forty. It doesn’t feel the big deal I thought it might. I realise I’m in the position of having both friends and family that will be thinking ‘Forty! That’s old.’ and others who will be thinking the opposite. I guess any new decade of age feels significant to the one entering it. The first two decades of life are met with excitement and then it seems, especially in our culture, any of the following decades are to be feared. I guess it is all tied up with regrets or what a person feels they should have done by the time they hit that particular decade, but there are all sorts of signs that getting older has its benefits.

I read in the paper today that People’s most beautiful woman in the world, this year is Julia Roberts (aged 49, if you’re wondering). Sadly, probably many would respond by saying that she doesn’t look her age – the greatest compliment someone older can receive right? We’re so obsessed with aesthetics and looking young, it is no wonder people try to slow down the aging process.  

Aging well is a matter of attitude. I have the privilege of knowing a number of individuals who are over seventy and have never-ending energy for the activities they passionate about. It was an honour to stand with a couple of them recently to support their vision of connecting with our local community. It is always a mistake to put people in boxes and age is no different. We colour our own experience and perception of others when we believe the lies of the media or assume one teenager or retiree is the same as another.

 

I noticed, when watching Bake Off this week, that those who were more vocal about the discomfort of the heat and the difficulty of making Italian sfogliatelle had the worst outcomes. We can talk and think ourselves into failure, unhappiness and fear, so the opposite is also true. Attitudes to growing old can be changed. It starts with my attitude and what I choose to believe. I want to check my thoughts and beliefs by making sure I’m part of activities and groups that encompass different ages, so that my beliefs are fuelled by real experiences rather than media stereotypes.

I have done a little reflecting on my last decade. I don’t think I would have believed that I would be where I am right now, if someone had told me when I turned thirty. A friend of mine had encouraged me to write a ‘dream page’ of goals to achieve – both short and long term. I found one I had written about eight years ago. I was amazed how many of the goals had come to pass. Some, I could remember thinking at the time seemed impossible, yet they have been fulfilled. For me, that makes the next decade exciting. I have no idea what might happen in the next ten years. There is a sense of a new beginning and I want to look forward. I have taken down my creative wall that I pinned up during the transition from teaching to writing. I am considering what I will be giving my time to, what will be my new short and long term goals. I shall be writing a new dream page. The trick with these is not to let your ‘inner editor’ have their say. It is ‘blue sky thinking’ – you are not meant to consider potential obstacles but to allow yourself to dream.