Just Say No!

‘Just say no’ was the mantra used by my school as part of our drugs education. In my experience there is no ‘just’ about it. Saying no is difficult and requires courage.

Aristotle lists courage as an important virtue that people should try and develop. Fear is often seen as the opposite of courage, but Aristotle believed that there are things we should fear. One example he gives is fearing the loss of a good reputation. So fear in and of itself is not the antithesis of courage. Aristotle created the idea of the Golden Mean; this is the midway point between two vices. In the case of courage he believes that we need to find the point between cowardice (the deficiency of courage) and rashness (the excess of courage). In Ancient Greece the ultimate way of showing courage was in battle; to die in battle or to overcome the enemy was the highest honour.

Desmond Doss’ real life story is portrayed in the film Hacksaw Ridge. Here is a man who is willing to die for his country but is unwilling to take up a weapon to do so. He is labelled a coward and thought to be insane but he continues to stay true to his beliefs. There is a point in the film where he is given an ultimatum; to obey his commanding officer and show how a gun works or go to prison. He agonises over the choice as it is his heart’s desire to serve his country but he wants to remain true to his convictions. While watching his anguish, I am willing him to say ‘yes’ to the command, to just show them he knows how to use a gun. Then he’ll get his opportunity to serve as a medic on the front line. He refuses. I won’t tell you what happens next but his story is powerful one of courage and being true to yourself.

Often I think of being courageous as saying ‘yes’ to things; facing a fear, trying something new, making the most of an opportunity but lately I am finding that sometimes it takes courage to say ‘no’. I saw a wise friend of mine this week who had had to give up a number of activities where she was being successful for personal reasons. The time came when she was able to return to the things she had previously been involved in. Rather than picking up where she had left off, she felt a strong sense that she should just do one of those things. It was a hard decision because she loves to say ‘yes’ and she was really good at all the projects still available to her. Since then, she told me that her ability in the one activity she said yes to has increased and she can see this was the best and wisest choice for her.

I like to say ‘yes’ and with a more flexible timetable it is so tempting to do so, but I have felt challenged this week about whether I am saying ‘yes’ to the right things. I often see the need and think ‘Ooh, I could do that and if I don’t perhaps no one else will.’ I wonder how often I’ve trampled on someone else’s opportunity in order to add another ‘string to my bow’. My willingness to volunteer, to say ‘yes’ stems from compassion but underneath that lies the desire to be noticed, to have purpose. There’s a fear within me that if I don’t put my hand up, I will not be seen. Ultimately I fear not being loved.

So I am attempting to be courageous, to pick through the things I am currently doing and ask the question ‘Is this the right thing for now?’ This is just the first step, the harder part will be saying ‘no’ and letting go of the things that are not meant for me.

 

Have you experienced choices when it has been hard to say ‘No’? What happened?

What do you think is the greatest expression of courage?