A Good Four Letter Word

Before moving house, I had reached a stage in writing and public speaking that meant there were lots of potential avenues to explore, but I was finding it hard to know where to focus my time and attention. A common piece of advice to writers and entrepreneurs is to find a coach or mentor. Initially I rejected the idea. The cost and not knowing how to find the right person put me off.

I didn’t ask for help.

I recently found myself discussing the new church we’ve been attending with a couple who have been part of it for the last year. I had some questions about how things are done and found myself saying ‘I suppose it’s okay to ask, we’re still new’ the response was one of surprise ‘Of course it’s okay to ask, it’s always good to ask questions.’

I know this, I’ve written about the importance of staying curious and questioning people and life in general. But this comment of mine led me to acknowledge that I have a reticence to ask questions that imply I need help or that I don’t fully understand. 

Asking for help can feel like failing. Feelings of pride, indebtedness and fear prevent us from removing the obstacles progress. As children we are encouraged to ask for help. At some point, maybe as we strive for independence, the willingness to ask disappears. There’s a quiet voice that whispers ‘surely you should know that’ and the underlying fear that people will find out that we’re not as knowledgeable, skilled or talented as they thought. 

In order to grow and make progress, these fears must be faced.

It’s one thing to read a book or an article and quite another to speak to a person. This is a difficult post to write, as I’m still stuck, discovering this is a problem and making baby steps towards progress.

I’m very happy to ask for directions, confirmation that I am on the right train or even for someone to reach the rice that is stuck at the back of the top shelf in the supermarket.

It’s dreams, unnecessary goals that satisfy a yearning. This is when I struggle to ask for help. Perhaps it is the fear of criticism or ridicule that my helper with think the dream is unreachable or ridiculous.

Practice makes perfect, apparently. At least Aristotle would argue that repetition creates habit. So I will practise asking for help (even when perhaps I don’t need it).

I will recognise that when others ask for help they may be making requests wrapped in their precious, fragile dreams and I may have the privilege of helping them actualise it.